Cross Sound Kidz

Notes from Elementary Parenting Round Table Discussion
2/24/2008

(Please note that there is a lot of cross-over or shared information between the Elementary focus group and the Teen focus group. Many times the topics discussed are similar, but the conversation is different because of the uniqueness of the make up of each group. Therefore, even if the topics are the same, the outcomes may be radically different. I throw this out because there are many people that are attending both group’s conversation and I wanted this to be clear to all.)

I wanted to include all you in the conversations that are happening once a month on Sunday nights. Whether you were able to be with us or not, I thought you’d like to see a summary of just some of the topics discussed. Because our format is both in small groups and in large groups, there is no way for me to communicate everything that was discussed, but here is an overview of some of the main ideas, talked about in our large group discussion toward the end of the evening.
 
We began our evening talking about the idea of legacy, handing something down or passing something on to the next generation. In small groups, we talked about what legacy means to us and how we think about it. Some told each others stories about what kind of a legacy was left to us by our parents, grandparents or other influential persons in our lives. People shared beautiful stories of wonderful legacies that were left, but people shared stories of painful and hurtful legacies left as well.
 
Next, we asked ourselves the question, “What kind of legacy am I interested in leaving to my children?” We made some lists and discussed their importance, first in our small groups, then in the large group.
 
Last, we explored together a few practical ways to be more intentional about our parenting, to live more deliberately and talk more openly with our own children about our own stories of legacy. One suggestion was made to invite our children into our stories and openly share with them our story, in order to help them understand their own story. We considered sharing tips and techniques with each other in a kind of “recipe book” on how to leave a positive and Godly legacy with our children.
 
Some other ideas discussed were:
*Realizing that the idea of leaving a legacy is farther out than just me
 
*When we  raise our children, we are also raising our grandchildren – since our children will be passing on the legacy we left them to our grandchildren.
 
*How can we be step-by-step faithful in the ordinary things of life – this too, is legacy!
(The idea of ordinary greatness –from the book; Good to Great by Jim Collins
 
*Legacy really means, “How to do love God and love others well?”
 
*Legacy is, “How will I be remembered?” by my children and others
*It’s important to focus on what we’re already doing well and NOT beat ourselves up.
 
*Think about our children’s spiritual gifts/traditions – making memories.
 
*Use pro-active language  - as if we’re already doing it, when making our goals. ..for example, don’t say, “I wish that I was more loving toward my kids”, but rather say, “I am more loving to my kids today.”
 
*We must BE what we want our children to BECOME. It’s more about what we do or who we are than what we say. So, be intentional about all that we do and say!

*Be willing to look at ourselves, listen to others and not be afraid to ACT!
 
*Be willing go to the WHY – invite your children to look at the why and not just the circumstances. WHY do you think that happened or WHY do you think you did that and not just Don’t do that!
 
*Instill in our children a sense of wonder. Replace the endless cycle of WORRY/WORK with the Godly perspective of WONDER/WORSHIP. (Paul’s message on Sun., 2/ 24).
The “small” things in life are worth taking a pause for…..
 
“Consider the idea of a family crest – or asking the question, “What does it mean to be a (insert your last name….)_____________? Struggle together, as a family, to define your family’s identity.
 
*The only way to truly live intentionally is to live in community – for its in community that we’re offered connection, relationship, dialogue, encouragement, accountability, mentoring, good role modeling, sharing experiences, opportunity to problem solve together, etc.. When you’re living in the presence of others, you’re more aware of how your life and decisions impact others. How might others interpret my actions and behaviors and not just think about my own family.
 
Again, that was just SOME of what was discussed. Don’ you wish you had been there? It was an awesome time of dialogue together. We ended by agreeing that there is no magic formula, no “ten steps to follow” in perfect parenting. Rather, it’s by conversation, prayer, hard work, sharing stories of success and failure, by reading the bible and looking to Jesus that we can find encouragement and hope.

I also ended by reminding folks that we have started building a great resource library in our church office and have begun to collect books on parenting, marriages, Godly living, bible study, devotionals, etc. Many folks checked out books on the spot and others agreed to make even more suggestions, so that our resource library can grow. Two books recommended were Raising Kids That Turn out Right, by Tim Kimmel and Letters to My Children by Daniel Taylor. I encouraged parents to use each other as resources and talk with, pray with, meet with, read together, ask questions, start groups – as a means of support.

Save the date 4/20 (Elementary focus) Strawberry Hill Park. Dinner and Childcare provided. Please email to sign up!
 
Thank you all, who have been participating in these conversations. I am so encouraged and enthralled by what the Lord is doing in our midst. Please feel free to email me comments, questions, additions, concerns and other insights.
 
Fondly,
Marit

marit@crosssound.org